On this journey, I'm learning to...

[LIVE surrendered]


Since I began my walk with Christ years and years ago (6 years in March to be exact), there's always been this "stubborn bone" in my body that gets bigger and bigger... As I would get more fearful of the future and of failure, I would get more stubborn with God and begin to refuse to move forward.  It was a cycle of finding hope, fearing failure, and running away.  Finding hope, fearing failure, running.  Finding hope, fearing failure, running.


But on this journey, I have yet to be able to run very far.  Since July, God has made it to where He has such a hold on my heart that when I turn to run, I feel this tug like no other and I know that I don't want to be anywhere but in God's will anymore.


What does this mean?  It means that I'm learning how to live surrendered.  I'm learning how to find hope in the midst of sadness and not let it go when I fear.  I'm learning how to not sweat the small stuff that makes me fear so deeply that I'm going to fail.  I'm learning that God's will for my life is NOT to harm me, but to see me prosper and do a good work for His kingdom.  His will for my life is best and I cannot hide from it.  When I've sought after Him wholeheartedly throughout this journey I've felt my fear begin to fade away.  Satan still had his moments where he got a kick out of the "what if" statements I would come up with, but God always won because God is stronger than my feelings ... I'm an overcomer and I've learned that the overcoming has only been made possible through surrender... complete surrender.


So what does this mean?  What does this lack of a debilitating fear mean?  I'm going on a missions trip in March to Stockton Penial, CA ... Was I scared?  yes.  Am I scared?  yes.  But as a person surrendered to the will of God, I know that the best place I want to be for Spring Break is Stockton Penial, CA serving the Lord on a mission field.


But what's the next thing?  Will I be called into missions?  Have I already been called but I just can't quite grasp it?  Idk... I have no flipping idea.  But as a person surrendered to God, I know that the plans He has for me will become evident when it is time... My heart?  It's willing.  My mind?  It's struggling to decide.  But my life?  Completely surrendered and knowing that God's got plans I might not understand sometimes, but they're best ...


So here's to the day that God reveals the plans.  Till then, I'm worshiping while I'm waiting & seeking wholeheartedly after the heart of God more and more each day.

(-Monica)

[ Jeremiah 29:13 - 

           You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart... ]