The Journey Begins With...

(Honesty... )

I've noticed that if I'm not honest with myself & anything going on inside of me, I'm stuck right where I am - which is where I don't want to be ... so the journey begins with some truth (which makes sense since this journey is centered around  THE truth - Jesus Christ)

Honestly? I've got some growing to do ... a lot.  I'm childish - still stuck in the mindset at times that

"it's all about me" 

          but it's not ...  

Honestly? I've got a lot of fessing up to do... fessing up to not being who I say I am.

I'm kind of a liar ... 

     fessing up to not being happy all of the time.

           in fact ... I do cry ... a lot.

     fessing up to not being as strong as I've pretended to be.

 I give in to most temptations ... rely too much on my own strength & dance around too much with excuses...

Honestly?  I'm more terrified than I've ever been ...

 before this, I could just fall back into old patterns and pretend I'm a new me...

        but now...  honestly?

                         (I don't want to anymore)

                     [& that's what scares me... the desire to change]

Honestly?  I've never liked change... every major change I've made in my life - no matter how well I pretended to handle it - has brought me pain and one more "excuse" to play the victim card...

but I'm tired of that...

              NO MORE...

Honestly?  This is the start of something I don't feel ready to do ...

  but I need to do it ... 

      for God

                    for myself

                & for my ministry... 

                        (my calling)

So here's to the journey... the one that began with a little bit of honesty.

(--Monica)

[ Psalm 119:143 -

          trouble and distress have come upon me, 

              but Your commands are my delight... ]