Becoming Whole.Becoming Me: On this journey, I must remember...

[GOD is greater]

During Burning Bush, a small group type setting that a friend & I sort of co-lead, we came across the verse in 1 Timothy 2:8 that says "I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing." & we talked about how we feel that we should clear our hearts before going into worship - sort of like how scripture says it's impossible for fresh water to come out of a salt water spring ... how you can't mix angry words towards someone and praises to God from the same mouth ... well, we talked about that and it was a pretty good discussion that led to other topics.

Anyway, where I was going with that is this story: I was talking to Jonathan & he mentioned how good chapel service was. I asked who spoke and he said "Rick Christman" ... automatically, I scowled and got defensive and complained about how much I didn't like him because of an incident last year where he had to lay down the law, basically, and I almost go into some deep trouble.... still, yesterday, my mindset was that it wasn't my fault and he handled things badly and that I had a right to be angry with him ... Jonathan's words? (because he's a bluntly honest, awesome friend) were "wow, Monica - that's real Christ-like" ...

My first instinct was to get mad... and irritated. and Jonathan knew I was beacuse I scowled, said "I've got to go" and left. I wanted to brush it off as if he was just being a jerk and didn't understand why I was so mad and that he didn't see where I was coming from so I was right and he had no right to tell me otherwise... I was being STUBBORN.. but as I'm worshipping in chapel, feeling irritated that Christman was about to speak, I realized that I was doing EXACTLY what we had talked about as wrong during Burning Bush ... God laid it on my heart that there was another thing I needed to let go - and that was my anger/bitterness towards Christman and Sara Brothers, who was the RD over the dorms at the time.

Immediately I realized that I needed to let go as God was commanding me to.

So, I did..

I stopped singing and instead began to pray that God would help my heart to let go of the situation & that I would not allow w/e anger I had inside of me get in the way of passionately worshipping Him w/o anger or contempt towards another person.

During this journey, I will come across times when I will tell myself "no, that doesn't matter" or "there's no way I can let go of this" or maybe even start to make excuses for why I won't do what God is commanding me to do... but if I remember this: GOD IS GREATER...

Then I'll remember that He won't relent until He's gotten through my stubborn exterior...

We were singing the song "Our God" & the part where it says "God, You are higher than any other" I heard myself saying "He's higher than me..." and I realized that my desires and stubborn habits will NEVER top the Lord's plans & direction for my life ...

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against??

I'm learning that the greatest thing I allow to stop me is myself ... but God is greater & I choose to stop trying to get in the way.

(-Monica)